Holy moly

I bumped in Bryan, he‘s of mole-catching fame, in the village shop, buying urgent supplies required as the pubs are shut. He was telling me his prize stud mole boar, Julius, had been unwell and in fact moles only live about 3 years, so he was worried. Although he does catch moles as pests, he also breeds them for specialised purposes and his goal is to breed a ‘super mole’ family of expert diggers.

He says that there is a huge market for eco-friendly tunnelling services because mechanical means create enormous emissions. His plan, he explained, expertly rolling a fag one-handed, was to breed the super moles and train them to work as a team, several digging while those behind shift the earth. He told me he’d had a lot of interest from BT and water companies to dig tunnels and clear blocked pipes.

This is good news as his attempts to start an alternative career as a chicken-sexer didn’t take off due to arthritis is his thumb. The trick to breeding a super mole is the artificial insemination technology he has developed with a local vet, Dr. Shrew. It’s all about stimulating the boar to provide the sample and he’s developed a series of chirps and whistles that replicate an amorous female. Anyway, apparently you have to move quickly with the aroused boar, it’s all over in seconds but he says he’s used to that.

He’s also looking to set up a mole sanctuary, called Digger’s Rest, and people can come and learn about the fascinating world of moles and even feed them earthworms. The mole racing didn’t go so well but the swimming is more successful as the mole’s paddles are pretty efficient and he said his best athlete, Mole Spitz, is like a speedboat, so long as he goes in the right direction.

This was all a bit overwhelming as I only popped in the for the Bodmin Voice, so I thought I’d leave as he said he was looking for someone to sew jackets with webcams fitted to put cameras on them and start a YouTube channel called Mole-bile Mole.